The voices of self-doubt really settled in this weekend. Nothing was off-limits. Not my body. Not my clothes. And especially not my dreams. Every time I allowed myself to think ahead to what could be, those voices followed loud and strong. You? The mom in her mid-30s? Lady, you must be crazy! You need to just be content with where you are. You have a family to raise.
I could go on and on.
You wouldn’t let someone come into your house and bad mouth you, would you? Imagine going through all the trouble to have someone over. You dust the furniture, sweep the floors, you even clean the toilets. You go grocery shopping, prepare food. You light your best smelling candle and fluff the pillows. Then your guest walks in and immediately starts talking about how your house isn’t clean enough, your food isn’t gourmet enough, nothing about what you’ve done or who you are is enough. Would you keep that guest around? Hell no you wouldn’t! You would kick her ass out! (Or at least you should.)
So why do we allow those negative voices to stick around? Why do we invite them in, tell them to make themselves comfortable? Why do we offer them the best seat in the house? They don’t belong in our sacred space.
Step one: Tell your negative voices to STOP. Literally say it out loud, or just to yourself if you’re in a public place and want to avoid concerned stares. You may even picture a stop sign or slamming the door in that no-good guest’s face. Whatever helps you take a stand against them, DO IT. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
And what about when they come knocking on your door again? Because you know they will. You have to fill your house with enough positive people that they can’t get through the door. You have to host the best, most raging positive party you have ever thrown. Who cares about the floors and the food and the fluffing! These people just want to have a good time. They’re here for you.
Fill your mindspace with positivity. Read encouraging books, listen to motivational podcasts, follow people on social media who remind you how much of a bad ass you are. Decorate your bathroom mirror with post-its. Speak your dreams aloud and gather people around you who will cheer you on even when you falter.
Even though the voices were relentless in their pursuit to tear me down this weekend, I battled back, time and again. I told them their doubt and negativity weren’t welcome, and I repeated every positive phrase, slogan, and mantra I could remember. Who do you think you are? became I’m going to do great things with my life. You’re a mom in her mid-30s became you have so much more life experience now, and you’re leading by example for your girls. It takes practice and persistence but eventually you’ll find that negative guest hanging out on your front lawn as you dance the night away at your perfectly imperfect party.